What’s different about neurodivergent-affirming couple therapy?

Neurodivergent partners often feel scared to try relationship therapy because they don’t want to be seen as “the problem” in the relationship. And if you've experienced people reacting negatively to how you feel or act because you're neurodivergent, this fear makes a lot of sense. Neurodivergence can often become the scapegoat in couples’ arguments—whether to criticize the other (“This would be easier if you weren’t Autistic”) or to self-blame (“If I didn’t have ADHD, I would be a better partner”).

One of my priorities in neurodivergent-affirming couple therapy is to distinguish between what you’re not able to control or change and what you can. For example, you probably can’t just decide to “be less sensitive” emotionally, or to not get overstimulated during a conflict. But we can change how you and your partner respond to each other when those things are showing up.